Five of the many ways a smoothie can go wrong

If you make smoothies regularly, you know that there are many, many ways they can go wrong. But until the subject came up in a conversation with some friends last weekend, I didn’t realize that this is actually something that happens to everyone.

I find that to be simultaneously comforting and dispiriting.

Now, as a public service, I have documented here a few of the many ways that I have had smoothies go wrong in the hope that others who may be new to smoothie preparation can be spared the anguish and trauma of a disappointing smoothie.

I have personally experienced all five of these bungled smoothies as well as other smoothie failures too numerous to list here. And as I discovered last weekend, if you make smoothies you have probably had most of these happen to you as well.

But if I can help to prevent even a single future smoothie catastrophe, I feel that I have no choice but to speak out on this issue about which we have all been silent for too long.

And now: Five of the Many Ways a Smoothie Can Go Wrong.

5. You forgot you were out of bananas and didn’t remember until everything else was already in the blender and now you’re stuck with an unpleasantly textured not-smoothie.

4. You accidentally tip the bottle of vanilla extract a little too far when you go to add a drop for subtlety and ruin $12 worth of mangoes, peaches, and cantaloupe that you just spent 45 minutes cutting up.

3. You put kale in it.

2. One word: FLAX.

1. Your blender is suddenly and without warning host to a malevolent poltergeist that takes over the controls, switching across settings — now blend, now pulse, now liquefy, now snow (yes, that is really a setting), now some high-speed screechy setting that has a name only Satan himself dares to utter — in a pattern that appears random but is really a code that is trying to tell you to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW but all you can do is stand there transfixed, a little part of you still kind of half-heartedly hoping it breaks up that bit of frozen banana at the bottom but also a little worried that you might be whisked away by evil spirits any second, and then there’s a loud pop and a blue flash and your dogs have long since fled the kitchen and your blender is totally dead and smoking a little and the outlet it was plugged into is also dead and you have to try to finish mixing your smoothie with a spoon which DOESN’T WORK although it still turns out better than the one with the kale.

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